


A Diet Too Far

by noa_artist



Category: Magia Record: Puella Magi Madoka Magica Side Story, Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Bulimia, Eating Disorders, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Idols, Light Angst, Mental Health Issues, Sappy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:55:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29044206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noa_artist/pseuds/noa_artist
Summary: Trigger warnings: Bullimia, Eating Disorder.Homura passed out a lot from her strange "dieting". But Homura was happy, it means that her hard work is working and that's soon enough she'll be beautiful.Just, how long will it take? Will she ever stop?
Relationships: Akemi Homura & Miki Sayaka, Akemi Homura/Miki Sayaka
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	A Diet Too Far

**Author's Note:**

> Please stay away from this fic if diet, eating disorder, bullimia and anything related to it triggers you.   
> HomuSaya doesn't worth it, I don't worth it and this fic carries a lot of heavy description.  
> I'm coming up with a lighter multishot so please wait for it!  
> Thank you for your support.

“Umm… May I go to the toilet?” Homura shyly asked, playing with her fingers. It was such an innocent question on a surface level. Homura knew the truth though, she hoped the girls didn't know. “Sure, you don't have to ask Homura-chan!” Mami said as she smiled gently. 

Homura stood up and walked to the bathroom, she teared up with each step at the hallway.

She sat in front of the bathroom stall, putting two fingers inside her mouth. Like magic, she threw up everything she ate. 

She felt disgusted with herself, fat, ugly and terrible for eating so much.  
She silently cried as she threw up everything. When she finished, she put the water down and went to the sink. She washed her hands and then she took her teeth brush.

Homura washed her teeth to take out the bad smell. She stared at herself in the mirror, she saw a monster in front of her. She hated her reflection so much she wished she wouldn't have to see it ever again. Homura didn't go to eat with the girls until the week after. It was a habit at this point, but most of the time it went unnoticed due to their busy schedule. Also, her members simply thought that she went through a crazy dieting phase and it'll pass. But, she's been like this since she could remember herself. Eating without control and then throwing everything up. Then, goes through fasting and/or an insane amount of exercise. 

* * *

“You're pale.” Homura sighed as she entered the practice room. 

“Good afternoon to you too, Sayaka.” Homura put a hand on her forehead. It hurt terribly, not to mention that the practice room light was _extremely_ bright today.  
“Homura, are you okay?” The bluenette stood up from the piano as she approached the younger.

“I'm fine, just dizzy from the heat and the long school's day.” 

“Well, it's May and you're still walking with your hoodie, so of course you would feel dizzy.”  
Homura eyes widen, no chance she'll take her hoodie off and will show her terrible body. She still has work to do to improve it.  
“Bold of you to assume I'll take it off.”

Huge dizziness suddenly hit the younger, her legs were trembling and her head screamed with pain. 

‘Homura? Hey, Homura, are you okay?’ Homura's vision grew blurry as black dots appeared more and more in her eyes. Soon enough, everything was black and Homura felt nothing.

* * *

Homura first thing she noticed was the evening light when she woke up. She felt confused, she didn't remember what happened. The bed she lied on felt foreign and strange, it wasn't her own. The raven tried to sit up but a huge pain hit her from her head, forcing her to lie down again and groan in pain. 

“Thank god, you're awake...” Sayaka stood up from her desk and went towards the raven. The bluenette bit her lips as she noticed how weak and pale her younger sister was.

“Wait here, I'll call Mami onee-chan and Kyoko onee-chan.” 

“I can't move anywhere even if I wanted to.”  
Sayaka sighed, feeling lost with what she could do. She simply left to call her bigger sisters and bring some water for the other.

While Homura waited, she started to tear up. She felt like shit, but it means that she's strong and she's holding up. It means that soon enough she'll reach her ideal body and finally be happy with herself. Mami entered the room in a rush, she put her hand on Homura's forehead. 

“How do you feel?”  
“Mostly dizzy and my stomach and head hurt like hell... I apologise for worrying you Mami onee-chan...”  
Mami shook her head, “I'm just glad that you're sort of okay.”

Later, Sayaka and Kyoko arrived with a bit of food for the other. Homura was too shy to refuse, but she'll just throw it up later, as usual. 

Her older sisters were worried about her, yet it made Homura feels happy, it just means that her diet is working.

* * *

“Homu-chan! Look at this dog! Isn't it cute?” Madoka exclaimed. The two were at the school garden at their break. Homura smiled weakly at her friend, she tried her best to live like a normal human being but everything hurt inside of her. She felt frail and her body wanted to eat something, _anything!_ But Homura won't give up on that temptation. Madoka started walking to approach the dog but Homura stopped her. She reached for the pinkette hand as she shook her head. 

“I don't think you should pet it, you don't know who it is and where it's from…”  
“Aw, you're such a kill-joy Homura! I wish we had a dog at our dorms, I feel sometimes lonely hehe.”  
“You sound like Sayaka when you talk about dogs...”

“Homu-chan, are you okay?” Madoka looked at the taller girl with a frown on her face. 

“Yeah! Just feeling a bit sick from my diet.”  
“Your body is nice! You don't have to diet like other idols if it makes you feel sick...”  
Homura sighed, “It could be nicer...”  
Madoka shook her head, “Gosh, every idol says it! But really, everyone is jealous over your body Homura! So many people ask online about your diet!!”  
“You should've seen how much people speak about **your** visuals.”

Madoka pouted, “at least creeps don't crawl on you at fan-meetings or variety shows or on the streets.” 

Homura sighed, she noticed when it happens. The members stopped it when they could but they weren't always with Madoka. Some part of her wished people were that obsessed with her, it means that she's so beautiful that everyone goes insane when they see her. Is it affecting Madoka that negatively? Doesn't it tell her that she's the most beautiful girl in the entire universe?

“Aw, that dog went out of school...” 

“I guess we should go back to class too.”  
Madoka reached for Homura's hand before she smiled gently, "Want a bit from my food?"  
Homura shook her head, "I'll be fine, I'll eat when we'll get home."  
“Homu-chan, you look like you'll pass out every moment.”  
“Onee-chan, it just means my diet is working.”  
Madoka sighed if Homura needed to eat she will just eat, right?

* * *

Madoka sighed in worried, carrying Homura towards the school's nurse's office. She was surprised by how light Homura was. Madoka thought she would struggle to carry the younger girl since she was taller. But Madoka carried her easier than when she held her baby brother. When Homura was lied down and the nurse let her rest, Madoka quickly took her phone and dialled Kyouko. 

She knew Kyouko was always available when it was about the pinkette. Also, she wanted to save Homura's ass from Mami's nagging and worrying.

“Bro, can you come to school?” 

“Let me guess, Homura passed out?”  
Madoka sighed, “It became the norm, right? I don't get her diet...”  
“It's not a diet, it's a disorder. She's been like this for years.”  
Madoka forced a chuckle, she didn't want to panic at a public place. Who knows who's watching and who's filming. The idol with the prettiest smile can't show other emotions except for happiness it seems.

“You sound like Sayaka years ago when we were just trainees. Back then I didn't believe her, thinking that Homura will just get over it and eat if things will get dangerous… Now, I'm not quite sure.” 

She heard Kyoko sigh across the phone call, “Yeah… Me and– Mami tried to help back then... Perhaps we should ask for professional help.”

Madoka noticed the pause, heck, she was sure the rest of the world heard that pause. If it was hard to say her ex's name, how difficult was it to see them and train with them every day? Not to mention perform with them? She must applaud the two for being so strong and putting their disagreements aside for the sake of their quintet. Both of them were hurting. Heck, Madoka was sure they still loved each other! But the world they lived in was too cruel for love. If they'll get caught, the public will slay them before even the agency found out about the situation. 

Madoka knew Kyouko broke up with Mami to protect them both, if not to protect the entire group. It cost in the tears of them both. They tried to act distant, but with each stare on each other, love was still apparent in their eyes.

“Uhh… What did you say again?” 

“That Homura probably needs professional help.”  
Madoka's eyes widen, “But you know how stigmatized the whole mental health therapy is...”  
“It's better than death, right?”  
Madoka gulped, “You're harsh!”  
“Truth is harsh.” Madoka heard the regret at Kyoko's voice for phasing her words that way.

“I'll be at your school in 10 minutes.” 

“Bro, can you tell Mami before she'll get back to the dorms?”  
“I will when Homura will get better, okay?” Madoka smiled brightly, she knew she could trust the other!  
“I'll tell Sayaka then!”  
The two hung up.

Madoka gazed at Homura's pale face in worry. Mental health problems were normal between idols if only the agencies made sure their artists were okay and took better care of their mental health. 

“Now… How should I phrase it that Sayaka won't panic...” Madoka took out her phone again, she thought about how she would tell it to herself without panicking.  
‘Hi Sayaka, me and Homu-chan will go home early today. Homu-chan passed out in class so I and bro are taking her home!’

Madoka bit her lips, it's the best she could've come up with. She could only hope Sayaka won't do something irrational. 

‘I'll go home too. I can't just focus at school knowing Homora isn't feeling well.’  
‘Aww Sayaka, you really do care, huh?~’  
‘It's not like that! I just need our lead vocalist to be healthy!! The main vocalist can't sing alone, y'know?’  
Madoka continued to tease, it's one of those rare chances!

‘I hear the embarrassment through text! Hehe~ I know you two are the best of friends! You're the only one she calls a nickname or without sister honorifics!’ 

‘Shut up’  
Madoka closed her phone, smiling like an idiot. Sayaka could be a tsundere as much as she wants. All the world and its sister knew that whenever Homura was in danger, Sayaka was the first in line to help! Like the knight in shining armour that she was.

Her members were better than any yuri anime out there. Whether it was the angsty love story Kyouko and Mami had or the complex chaotic relationship Homura and Sayaka had. 

“I arrived. What kind of thoughts crossed your mind just now?”  
“The yuri kind!”  
Kyouko sighed, “You should stop with the yuri binging at night...”  
“Yuri makes everything better though!”  
“Make sense.”

Kyouko looked at Homura in concern, “When was the last time that she ate...?” She thought out loud. 

“Do you think it even matters? With how much she throws up or exercise? Gosh, you're right… She can't control it at all!” Madoka expressed her feelings out loud, she didn't regret it one bit. It was just her and her members. Kyouko was good with spotting secret cameras or suspicious people as well.

Kyouko sighed before she carried Homura at her back. 

“Let's just go, okay? You'll make food and I'll make sure it'll stay in her mouth.”  
Madoka chuckled, “Don't forget the binge eating!”  
“Got it!”

* * *

Sayaka bit her lips, the words of her music theory teacher went from one ear and out of the other. She couldn't focus, the message Madoka wrote her was still clear in her mind. 

Homura was on an awful stage in her eating disorder. Sayaka must be there to help. The dyed blonde decided that when this lesson is over, she'll go out of school through climbing the fence. A trick everyone knew in school.

Sayaka was terrified, eating disorders could've cost a heart attack. Homura trusted her and told her that when she was younger she had some problem with her heart, luckily, they passed when she was younger, due to early caring of the situation. What if it'll come back because Homura messes too much with her body? She can't let it possibly happen. Homura was a precious partner in crime; when they sang together, she felt as if they ruled the world together. Of course, the younger was a precious friend too. She was the one who went with Sayaka to parties after a successful promotion. Homura didn't like those things, Sayaka was aware of that. The two always left early, they always managed to find a park nearby and they would chat. Sayaka would put on some music that she liked, she never trusted people with her music taste. But Homura always seemed genuinely interested. Sometimes they would cry, mostly Sayaka though. Homura always asked if she was drunk but she would comfort her regardless. 

They would be back late, yet Kyouko always seemed to be up, no matter how late they come home. Since the three of them knew how scary it is to wake up Mami from her precious sleep, they would let Homura sleep in their dorm room.

All of it was precious things Sayaka couldn't afford to lose.

When the bell rang, Sayaka was the first one to leave. She packed her bag in advance, after all. She couldn't waste any time at school. Sayaka quickly walked out of the building, then, she went to the back of it. She threw her bag outside of the fence before she climbed and jumped out of school. Without anyone noticing, she was gone. From there, Sayaka started running towards the bus station. Luckily Sayaka's stamina was high enough that she managed to run to distances. 

One more year and she could get her car license, then, she would be unstoppable.  
She took a deep breath when she arrived at the station. She felt tense, she hoped the bus would arrive already. Those were the stages were her panic was useless. The stages were she waited aimlessly for things to happen.

It happened on music shows a lot, Sayaka still waited for their first win. She would cry when it'll happen if one of her songs will win at those shows. She won't be able to hold it on the inside. She will probably break down in tears when their group will win artist of the year or if one of her songs will win song of the year. They were just in the second year of being idols, but she hoped it'll happen soon. The bus arrived quickly enough, yet it felt too slow for her. 

Sayaka rushed inside, paying for the driver with her student bus card.  
“Wow, look! It's Puella Quintet Sayaka!”  
“Oh? Wow, I never thought we'll see an idol right now!”  
Sayaka smiled towards the fans, she still wasn't used to being the centre of attention. She assumed it wasn't bad to talk with fans a little on the bus.

“Wow! I'm a huge fan of the group!!” 

“Ah, it makes me happy to hear!” Sayaka grinned towards the fans. It all means that their hard work was paying off!  
“May we take a picture?” - “Sure.”  
It wasn't the first time it happened, way less often than Homura and Madoka, yet Sayaka always felt awkward at those situations. Happy yet she always felt strange being so close to strangers.  
Sayaka didn't focus on those feelings though, she simply took the picture with the biggest smile she could muster.

Sayaka went to sit somewhere at the bus then. That little fan meeting was over. Then, she took out a large hat and sunglasses from her bag before putting them on. She didn't want to miss her station because of being distracted. Also, she didn't want to be stopped on the street. 

She put one earbud on her ear, listening to music to pass the time.

_Today, I wander in my memory  
I’m passing around on the end of this way_

Sayaka sighed, doing her best to hold in her tears. She prayed that Homura won't pass out again. She wished for the situation to not get worst. Usually, at this hour she would skip class to go with Homura and Madoka to hang out at the city before practice. Sometimes it would be just her and Homura because Madoka had schedules to do(as a model and an actress) or the teachers called for her. Now, she skipped to check on her friend! To see that she was okay and help her members to take care of her! She was terrified, she was terrified something would go wrong. 

_You’re still holding me tightly, even though I can’t see you any more_

The bus stopped at Sayaka's station. She started dashing across the street towards her agency. Tears filled her sunglasses as panic grew in her breath and her heart. She prayed for god that Homura would be awake when she'll arrive. Sayaka vowed to herself that she'll take matters to her own hands. She'll make sure Homura will get rid of her habits one by one. Even if it means that the group will need to be forced into a break for their youngest member to focus on her health. She didn't care about any of that! She just wants her friends to be okay!! 

_I’m losing my way again  
I’m praying to the sky I want to see you and hold you more_

She hoped she won't see Homura wearing hoodies and jackets at the beginning and the middle of summer. She prayed that she won't see her panicked face every time food was in front of her. And most of all, she wished she won't see Homura's pale and ill face ever again, which was even worst when she lost consciousness. Tears changed into determination. She quickly entered into her agency, clicking on the elevator button of her dorm's floor. 

She was almost there.

_It can’t be if it’s not you  
I can’t be without you_

Sayaka took off her hat, showing her dyed blonde hair. In one month they will have their comeback. Her hair was also dyed due to a musical rule she acted. 

_It’s okay if I’m hurt for a day and a year like this  
It’s fine even if my heart hurts  
Yes because I’m just in love with you_

Sayaka feet hit the floor in panic, she was so so close yet her anxiety just grew and grew. She bit her mouth again, keeping her fastened breath for herself. The elevator rang, she took out her dorm's key before she rushed out of the little space. 

_My bruised heart  
is screaming to me to find you  
Where are you?  
Can’t you hear my voice?_

“I'm home,” Sayaka muttered when she entered the dorm. She put out her shoes before she walked in. 

“Geez, you're fast if you came just when we did.”  
Sayaka rolled her eyes to Kyouko's remark. She watched the red-haired girl putting Homura on the couch. She sighed in disappointment.  
“How is she?”  
Madoka approached Sayaka, she was worried, “her breath is steady but she's still unconscious…”

_To me…  
If I live my life again  
If I’m born over and over again  
I can’t live without you for a day_

Madoka went to their kitchen to cook something quick, Sayaka went closer to Homura. 

“Hey! Ugly, wake up!! You're looking really, really ugly that way, you know?”  
“What are you doing?” Kyouko asked.  
“Trying to wake her, of course! I've read somewhere that you should wake someone if they're passed out for too long.”  
Sayaka spoke loudly to her friend, she even slapped her a little (stress relief).  
“What a strange version of The Sleeping Beauty. What, no kiss? Tsk tsk.”

_You’re the one I will keep  
You’re the one I will love  
I’m…yes because I’m happy enough if I could be with you_

“Yeah, the lesbian princess and the bisexual knight,” Homura said with a weak voice. Sayaka couldn't control her tears, “And the version where the princess sleeping is ugly. Geez, you worried all of us!” 

Kyouko who was still hanging onto her hypothesis, “Wait… Didn't a prince wake the princess in the fairy tale?”  
“Do you see Sayaka as a prince?” Homura deadpanned.  
“Fair point,” Kyouko shrugged.

“Hey! Just so you know I look very charming with a suit, okay?” 

Sayaka could hear Madoka shedding tears in the kitchen, “What a beautiful yuri scene. Better than Sakura Trick!”  
Sayaka rolled her eyes. Homura coughed, “Sorry for worrying all of you.”  
Madoka smiled, “Aww, everything to help you Homu-chan!”  
“Pfft, I didn't worry,” Sayaka wiped away her tears.  
Kyouko grinned, “I'm here just for the food.”

“Homora, if you won't start taking care of yourself, eating, keeping the food inside your mouth, not binge eating, I swear to god I'll do whatever it takes to make sure it'll happen!” 

Homura teared up a little from Sayaka's words, “Fine, Sayagay. Can you stop being so sappy so early at the day?”  
Kyouko coughed to hold in a burst of laughter. She joined Madoka in the kitchen to keep the two girls on their own.  
“Can't help it. Listened to the most clichéd drama OST on the way here.”  
“Didn't know you're a fan of these.”  
Sayaka shrugged, “It… Depends on the OST…”

“Bro, you promised me something on the phone today!” Madoka grinned. 

“Fine! I'm calling Mami to inform her!!” Kyouko's face was slightly pink. Now her yuri fantasies could finally be perfect.

“Oh boy... Our divorced parents are going to talk on the phone? That's going to be intense,” Sayaka chuckled. 

“Tell me about me,” Homura replied with.  
Kyouko went into her dorm room to call their leader. Sayaka sat beside Homura on the couch, a bit too close for a friend but she didn't care. Madoka chuckled throughout her cooking. Sayaka could never understand her gay mind.

**Author's Note:**

> Blonde Sayaka and her little sappy monologue, probably because I felt angry and just romantic on the inside haha.  
> Angry because people are shitty and romantic because of too much K-drama OSTs and just imagining in my head the most clichéd yuri rom-com. Which I might be writing LOLOL!


End file.
